Better mood

Talking to you tonight put my in a better mood. But then it went away after we hung up. Haha, wow... Am I really such a pessimist all the time? I mean seriously. I feel like all I ever do is complain and say negative things. I know you have told me that before, but I thought you were kidding. I am starting to learn, or realize, a lot more about myself now that you are gone and I don't have anyone to talk to all the time. I talk to myself a lot. Actually, it is things that I want to say to you. So I say them to myself so that I can remember them later. Even though we all know that doesn't help me remember any more than usual.  I am really happy that I got to talk to you though. I got kind of upset when I miss your calls earlier today. I went to the bathroom because I almost started to cry a little bit. And I didn't want anyone to see that, because I don't cry in front of other people. I miss you more than anything. It feels like it has been forever and a day since you left, and you really haven't been gone that long. I feel a more independent without you here, I have to tie my own shoes now... hahaha ;)  But I just feel like I am trying to do everything by myself, I guess I just want to feel a little more important. I'm not looking for any kind of attention by any means, because I would rather everyone just let me stay in my little anti-social bubble that I have been in. I like not talking to as many people. I haven't had much drama at all. I actually don't think I have had any. Yeah, people have pissed me off or gotten on my nerves, but that is nothing compared to what I had to put up with last year. I like this a lot better. There is no one in my business or talking about me behind my back, well they probably do, but I don't really care either way. So I guess I could consider myself a happy person. Well I would consider myself a happy person if you were here. I would say I am neutral right now. I am not overly happy, but I am not depressed or anything either. I am just content and trying to stay busy. For someone who doesn't care about much right now and wants to be anti-social, I sure do write a lot at a time.
I hope you know that I love you more than anything and I miss you.
Mwuah.